


Brothers

by Tadpole4176



Series: Retirement Trouble [12]
Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Kidfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:15:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28406124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tadpole4176/pseuds/Tadpole4176
Summary: What if Top Gear just kept going… until someone thought he needed to retire? And what if Stig thought that was a bad idea?In the aftermath of New Year James is having nightmares, but he's not being very forthcoming about them.
Relationships: Jeremy Clarkson/Richard Hammond/James May
Series: Retirement Trouble [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1953919
Comments: 9
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The series is getting long, so don't feel obliged to read the whole thing to read this, but I think reading Stig in the Dark would really help. (and probably the first one too!)

There was a moan in the dark, sufficiently different from the usual snoring that Richard’s subconscious clearly noticed and woke him up. He lay in bed for a moment, wondering if the noise would be repeated.

3.15am. Another moan, it sounded scared. Richard slid silently down the bed and hopped onto the floor, padding over to James’s room.

James, normally such a solid – if noisy – sleeper, was thrashing about in bed, tangled in the blankets and moaning unhappily. Richard, after a moment’s hesitation where he debated whether this would qualify as entering James’s room without permission, crept to his side, kneeling at the side of the bed and stroking James’s hair back in an attempt to soothe him.

“James?” he whispered. “James, it’s OK, you’re just dreaming.”

James didn’t really respond at first, but his forehead seemed to relax a little, and he wasn’t fighting so hard with the sheets, so Richard kept trying.

“James? Shhh, it’s OK.” He brushed the hair back again and again, soothing him, until finally the man’s eyes opened with a strange noise that was something between a gasp and a snore.

“Hamster?” he grunted, once the half open eye managed to focus.

“Yeah,” whispered Richard. “Are you OK? You looked like you were having a really bad dream.”

James shuddered. “Yeah,” he agreed, realising that Richard had woken him up. “Thanks.”

“Are you OK now?”

“I’m fine.” James smiled weakly, but didn’t explain any further.

“My nightmares get better when I tell people about them,” pointed out Richard.

James ruffled his hair, but didn’t say any more about it. Instead, he slowly rose out of bed, putting an arm round Richard’s shoulders and ushering him back to bed. “I’ll be fine,” he added, when Richard looked at him quizzically. “Thanks for waking me up.”

Richard raised an eyebrow at him, silently demonstrating his scepticism, but allowed himself to be taken back to his bed, sliding between the sheets and lying in his warm bed, listening out for any repeats of James’s distress.

Everything was silent again and, eventually, Richard fell asleep.

James didn’t.

With Richard safely back in his own bed, James crept silently downstairs, keen not to disturb anyone else, and to shake the last vestiges of his nightmare before even attempting to go back to sleep. He busied himself with the kettle, pushing his thoughts aside, but they weren’t going willingly.

He was afraid.

James, for all that he was cautious, wasn’t often afraid. Certainly, he wasn’t happy about heights, but that was a temporary thing, fleeting and gone once the immediate danger was gone. This was different. This didn’t disappear when the danger went away, this couldn’t ever go away.

He was happy, he reflected, able to name his own problems. Exceptionally happy. He was so happy, and comfortable, that he’d become afraid of losing it.

And then at New Year, Richard had nearly taken it all away. And who could blame him, James wasn’t sure he could live with being a child for five years, no matter what the rewards. What a prospect!

But as soon as Richard grew up – whenever that might happen – would that mean the end to their life here?

Did it have to? Was it inevitable? What would cause it? The first girlfriend? His sixteenth birthday? Seventeen? Eighteen? Or next week, when he got all tangled up in something he couldn’t do and finally asked Stig to turn them back?

James poured himself tea with shaking hands. Normally, he reminded himself, he was good at accepting – and sometimes ignoring – the constant changes, accepting that at some point things would move on. Normally he was good at living alone. And he’d been given a new lease of life with his friends and his job. Why would that make him scared? That was ridiculous.

Why would he want to spend all his hours with those two, constantly messing up the house and getting into trouble?

But he did, the voice inside knew he did. Just how lucky he was, and just how Richard’s transformation had created something that James really and truly didn’t want to let go.

At 7am, when Richard woke up and came downstairs, James was still sitting there, holding his fourth cup, the others lined up neatly beside the sink.

“James?” he said, quietly, even for first thing in the morning, betraying a caution that Richard didn’t normally exhibit. “What’s going on?”

“I…” James wasn’t certain he could explain, especially not to Richard. “Would you like some tea?”

Richard rolled his eyes. “Yes, but don’t think you’re getting away with that.” Sidling over to James and wrapping his arms round him, resting his head against James’s chest demonstratively.

“I’m OK, Hamster,” added James, reaching round to squeeze the boy to him, but unable to find the words to satisfy him.

Richard snorted. “You are not!” He lifted his head to look James in the eye. “I’m going to get you to spit it out,” he declared. “And if I can’t, I’m going to get Jez to help.”

James winced.

“Oh yeah,” nodded Richard, smirking a little now. “And you know he won’t let it go ever.”

“Just give me a bit,” said James softly. “Let me get it straight in my head first.”

Richard relaxed again against him, nodding against his shoulder. “OK, but don’t take too long.”

James smiled, despite himself. Even this, somehow, was part of what he was so afraid of losing.

…………………………………………

The day was a good one, filled with mucking about in workshops and ridiculous experiments. Even then, James became very conscious of what Richard was missing out on. The times when he would have dived right in and fixed something, but couldn’t, the times when he couldn’t test their vehicles, all those little things that the boy was constantly living with that would have driven James completely insane. Today though, Richard didn’t seem insane, he was obviously enjoying himself, bouncing between Jeremy and James with ridiculous ideas and brimming over with enthusiasm. He seemed just like he normally would as an adult, with one exception.

He kept eyeing James up to check on him.

Of course, there had been occasions when older Richard had had reason to be checking on James, but James had never been quite so conscious of it. Or of what he’d promised. He’d told Richard that he’d explain it once he’d sorted it out, but surely that would just put unreasonable pressure on Richard. It could force him to remain a child out of loyalty, and James was certain that wasn’t right. How could he possibly explain?

Was the only answer to leave?

He was interrupted from that train of thought by Richard appearing at his side, no cameramen or crew to hide behind, they’d all headed home, the three of them were the only ones left.

“I think it’s time to spill your guts,” said Richard, calm but leaving no room for argument. “I can see you spiralling off on one.”

“I’m not..” began James before stopping, because really, Richard wasn’t wrong. He’d always been good at spotting that.

So had Jeremy. As James opened his mouth, the giant lumbered in, confident that he was missing something, even if Richard hadn’t filled him in at all.

“So spit it out,” instructed Jeremy, as hard to argue with as Richard. “You’ve been fretting about something all day.”

Richard hadn’t given him up then, not yet, though he was probably close.

“I’m…” James still couldn’t bring himself to begin, instead uncharacteristically reaching out to both of them and pulling them in in a tight hug.

“You need a hug?” asked Richard, prompting both Jeremy and James to snort. “You know it would’ve been a lot easier if you’d just said that this morning,” he commented.

James grinned, hoping it made a good enough excuse. Richard was sharp as anything at spotting that sort of thing, but he was also twelve and not entirely firing on all cylinders, he might believe it. He crushed the boy to his chest, neglecting Jeremy for a moment in the knowledge that he definitely wouldn’t buy it.

Richard squeezed back. “Anytime, James, just ask!”

As James held Richard tightly, aware that even without getting to the bottom of anything, Richard was still genuinely making him feel better, he looked up at Jeremy, catching his eye carefully and silently conceding to discussing it later.

“Come here,” said Jeremy, “you can’t get by on teeny tiny hugs alone.”

Richard spluttered, laughing as Jeremy muscled in, wrapping his arms round both of them and squashing him tightly between them.

“Jez! You’re crushing me!” squeaked Richard eventually, wriggling out of the way and panting off to one side. “

Jeremy laughed. “Come on, let’s go home.” He led Richard towards the car, turning back momentarily to look meaningfully at James.


	2. Chapter 2

A groan echoed in the darkness, it was a scared noise, there was something James was scared of and still fighting.

Richard lay awake in bed, partly cursing himself for not realising that it wasn’t as simple as James needing a hug. This was James, it was never that simple. It was never that simple getting an answer out of him either. Stretching, Richard slid out of bed silently, but instead of heading for James’s room, he went to Jeremy.

“Jez?” he whispered, reaching out to shake his big friend, then stepping back just in case he treated him like an alarm clock. “Jez!”

One eye opened, peering blearily up at Richard. “What? Are you ill?” Jeremy rubbed at his face, clearly trying to wake himself up enough to focus.

“It’s James,” replied Richard. “He’s having another nightmare.”

“Shouldn’t you be waking him up then?” asked Jeremy, not unreasonably.

“I tried that last night,” protested Richard. “He won’t tell me what the problem is.”

“Of course,” Jeremy rolled his eyes. “It’s James.” He sat up in bed though, reaching out to pat Richard’s shoulder as he hauled himself up. . “Come on, Hamster, let’s tackle this,” he added as he led their expedition to James’s room.

James was thrashing about just like the night before, twisted up in the blankets and distressed.

“Jez,” whispered Richard, reaching out for Jeremy’s hand.

“It’s fine, we’ve got this,” repeated Jeremy. “This time we’re not taking no for an answer.” He turned to the sleeping man, reaching out to touch his shoulder and shaking him vigorously. “James! Wake up, you’re interrupting our nap time.”

“Jez!” Richard thumped him on the leg.

Jeremy grinned, shaking James again. “Come on, James, we’re not taking no for an answer this time.”

“Nnhhhhgghhh, hrrrtt?” muttered James. Or words to that effect.

“James?” said Richard, softly.

Finally leaving whatever was happening in his nightmare, James opened his eyes and for several moments stared at the two of them in shock. Then, as his brain caught up with events, his gaze transformed into a glare.

“What are you two doing in here?” he complained. “I’ve told you repeatedly, I expect you to respect the privacy of my room. This is my sanctuary! Especially at,” he paused to look at the clock, “4.02am.”

“You were having a nightmare again,” said Richard simply, his eyes widening as James shouted at them.

“I…” James continued to glare, but he stopped ranting, well aware that he was being unfair, and immediately guilty at the onset of Richard’s puppy dog eyes. “Sorry.”

“You need to tell us what’s going on,” announced Jeremy, taking a seat on the bed, without worrying overly about whether he was going to squash James or not, and drawing Richard in to join him.

“Why?” sighed James.

“Because waking up every night to the two of us staring at you really is going to give you nightmares,” responded Jeremy. “Not to mention the catastrophic level of grumpiness we’re all going to achieve if we all start really missing sleep.”

James winced, but still didn’t cave.

“Please, James,” begged Richard, reaching out to grab his hand, and looking up at him with his huge, brown eyes. “Please?”

James sighed. “I’m afraid it’ll put pressure on you, Hamster. I’m trying to protect you.”

Unsurprisingly, Richard wasn’t impressed. “I don’t need protecting!”

“Except from Christmas lights,” laughed Jeremy.

Richard lightly thumped him. “Oaf,” he said, fondly. “I don’t want protecting if it hurts you, James. You don’t have to protect me from everything, just from living alone when I’m kid-sized.”

“What is it, James?” asked Jeremy. “Are you having nightmares about our untidiness?”

A small smile crept across James’s lips. “Yes,” he said hopefully.

“Liar,” said Richard, sticking his tongue out playfully, but making sure that his seriousness caught James’s eyes.

“Yeah,” admitted James.

“So, what?” persisted Jeremy.

“It’s,” James swallowed. “The opposite. I’m afraid of losing this.”

Richard’s small hand reached out to grip James’s, wrapping his hand round the first two fingers. “You’re afraid we’ll leave you? Why would we…?”

“Not like that!” James took proper hold of Richard’s hand, enveloping it in his even as Jeremy’s hand came to join them. “I’m not afraid of you suddenly leaving, I’m afraid of the situation changing and you not needing me anymore!” He paused, his eyes suddenly watery. “I like it too much.”

“You’re afraid of me growing up!” exclaimed Richard, his eyes watering in sympathy as he threw his arms round James’s neck, leaving James with no choice but to respond.

“I’m not going to grow up,” laughed Jeremy.

“Never,” grinned Richard.

“But your reason for being here is Richard,” protested James. “If he grows up, we just go back to how we were.”

“No we don’t,” objected Jeremy. “Nothing’s the same now, even if he suddenly decides he can’t handle being a teenager..”

“Nearly..” put in James.

“Not the point, Mr Pedantic,” complained Richard.

“Even if circumstances change,” insisted Jeremy. “We’re brothers now, that’s not going to change. Even if, when he grows up – a bit.”

“We won’t drift back to just being mates?”

“I don’t think so,” said Jeremy. “I think we’re different now, we’ve lived together instead of just working and playing together.”

“Yeah,” agreed Richard, his voice muffled from leaning into James. “It’s like you’ve adopted me and accidentally adopted each other too.”

James’s smile grew. “I’m not trying to pressure you to stay small,” he added. “That has to be entirely your decision.”

“I know,” replied Richard, confidently. “I don’t feel pressured.”

“As if we could pressure him anyway!” laughed Jeremy, laughing even more at the frown Richard gave him.

“Thanks,” said James simply. “It helps.” He looked embarrassed really, but happy, and that was the main thing.

“We could always go and get married, if that would help,” suggested Jeremy, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at James.

“Definitely not!” exclaimed James in alarm. “Brothers, that’s right.”

Richard shook their joined hands. “Brothers,” he repeated solemnly.

“Can we go back to bed now?” asked Jeremy. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to get up at 4am.”

“4.13am,” corrected James, smirking slightly.

“That makes all the difference,” grumbled Jeremy, placing a hand on Richard’s shoulder and ushering him towards the door. “Night James!”

“Night,” smiled James, relaxing – finally – as the door closed behind them.

“Jez?” said Richard as the man steered him towards his room, urgently. “I had brothers before.”

“I know,” nodded Jeremy. “It doesn’t matter.”

Richard shook his head. “No, I mean, having brothers isn’t just living together. It’s important there are lots of practical jokes too.”

Jeremy grinned widely. “I see your point.”


End file.
